{So... My first FF, first of many possibly x3 I hope you like it 
}Pamela Bennett had always been one of the best child psychologist you could ever meet, she was really professional but so terribly great with kids, she had managed to help so many impossible children to overcome their problems and so many families to move on and have fresh starts. By the age of 32 she had already published her first book, a best seller among child psychologists, and everyone thought she would have a brilliant career. Well, Pamela didn't mind the idea of a career, but there was something she wanted far more than a career: she wanted a family on her own, she wanted kids. She had married 4 years before with Robert Bennett, and after 3 years of attempts they had found out the cruel truth: they couldn't have children. They had no intention to give up on their dream though, and they had immediately applied for the adoption program: it had been hard but they had almost made it. They had almost managed to adopt a newborn girl, it was now just a matter of a few months, 6 or 7 months, and then they would have had their little girl.
The excitement, though, would never distract Pamela from her job: when she reached the orphanage, one of the places where she worked in that period, she was informed that they got a new kid, and apparently a particularly problematic one. "Not like a troublemaker, Mrs Bennett, just... you'll see." was the brief presentation that Miss Isaacs, the keeper of the orphanage, gave her. Pamela never liked the woman, the way she talked about the kids was just not right, but she could do nothing but wait for the child to be delivered to her room. Meanwhile she took a look at the child's profile: Tadashi Hamada, 4 years old, drunken and abusive father, mother addicted to drugs, taken away from his family after his father had broken his arm during a domestic fight. Pamela sighed... those surely were not good premises...
In that moment the door opened "c'mon, Tadashi: get in. Come on... The nice lady won't bite you..." Slowly, avoiding any physical contact, the little child got in the room: was that really a 4 years old boy? She would have barely given him 2 years, maybe not even that! He was so terribly tiny! And so terribly shy... But what immediately captured Pamela's attention was the plastered arm... what monster could do something like that to such a small kid? The child didn't even lift his glance once to look at her, he just kept staring at the floor and he looked terrified... "You can leave us, Miss Isaacs" Pamela nodded toward the keeper, inviting her to close the door. Now she needed to spend some time with Tadashi, even if the child seemed terrified by her. Well, that was the reaction of many kids at first, she just had to be sweet and reassuring as always, she knew she could win him over "Hello Tadashi, my name is Pamela, from now on you and I will get to spend some time together."
-----
It was 3pm. As every day at that time, Pamela heard the usual shy knocking on her door and as soon as she allowed him to come him, Tadashi opened the door and stepped in. It had been 3 weeks now. The child still barely talked to her, he barely looked at her at all, someone might think he didn't make any progress at all... but she could see the little things: the little smile he gave her now and then when she said something that he liked, the way his eyes shone in awe the time first time she had given him a lollypop (which, she suspected, was the first time he ever had one in his life), the fact he actually looked up at her instead of staring at the floor...
There was no doubt about the fact Tadashi was a problematic child, he had many issues, so many scars left from his past... and it was still hard to determine if his weak personality was a result of the bad environment he had lived in or it had just been pushed it its extreme from it. There had been clinical exams, the child had nothing wrong, well, nothing physical, but he still had that sad look of a broken toy... he was such a lost puppy...
She was doing, as always in her job, her very best to make him deal with his past and come out from his shell: she often made him draw, and his drawings were always about the same things. His nightmares. He often would just leave the drawing unfinished cause he was simply too scared to finish it. The first times Pamela tried to comfort him, but tadashi would only move out of her reach, terrified of the idea of being touched. He was closed in his bubble: he barely talked, he didn't cry, he couldn't stand to be touched. Uncomfortable situation would either cause him to hyperventilate or just stop breathing altogether. Break trough looked impossible, but she was full intentioned not to give up, knowing well this could as well take years. Luckily the orphanage covered this... still, she wondered what would happen if they changed again his orphanage, or if he got adopted...
As Tadashi sat down on the sofa in front of her she pushed aside those thoughts and smiled sweetly as always to him "Hello Tadashi, are you feeling ok today?" he nodded lightly without looking at her, but at least he answered. She had learnt to ask him question only in yes and no forms, in this way he would almost always give a answer "And how is your arm? Does it hurt?" she asked pointing at the arm that had only recently freed from the plaster. Tadashi shook his head. "I'm glad to know that." she said honest with a new smile. "Miss Isaacs told me you had another nightmare last night" he continued in a light tone, but she was well aware that this wasn't anymore a light subject for the child, in fact she could immediately see him tense up. Listening to Miss Isaacs, he had woken up screaming, waking up all the other kids: to calm him down Miss Isaacs had to give him some tranquilliser! Now Pamela didn't like her, but she knew she wasn't a bad woman and she could understand that the situation must have been really hard...
"Do you want to tell me about your nightmare?" Pamela asked, already knowing what the answer would be. In fact, immediately, Tadashi shook vigorously his head. Well, she had to try... "Would you like to draw it?" she asked gently, fishing paper and crayons from her bad and handing them to him. Tadashi took them reluctantly, but in the end he nodded: he got off the sofa and approached the small table in the room: he had been doing drawings almost in every meeting, so he knew how it worked. Pamela followed him to the small table and sat down next to him, silently watching and analysing
It came to no surprise that he didn't use any colour in his drawing, only the black crayon. She followed him sketching the by now familiar elements: it was more or less the same as usual, with only small variations: the giant, horrible monster that represented his father towering over a small figure with a broken arm. Other times he draw other members of his family, this time it was only him and his father. Some other time she had managed to make him explain his drawing, but she could see that this time he wasn't really in a talkative mood so she didn't even ask. "Tadashi, you know you don't have to be afraid here, nobody can hurt you here..." she started, but the child only shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Pamela sighed, deciding to drop the subject.
"I brought something for you, Tadashi, do you want to know what it is?" she asked smiling again to him, managing to capture the child's curiosity, who nodded shyly to her. Once again, she put her hand in her bag and this time fished out a big marshmallow pop: Tadashi's eyes shone in awe, sweets were something that really managed to lift up his mood... With a big smile, she started passing it to him, but out of impatience Tadashi moved forward and, to balance himself and reach faster the candy, he put his hand on her knee: it was the first time he touched her. She handed him the marshmallow pop and then, carefully, almost like she was approaching a wild rabbit, she tried to put her own hand on his. Only then Tadashi seemed to realise what he had just done and how close he had come and quickly moved away, breaking their contact, Pamela sighed: well... that was a step forward...
-----
Other two weeks had passed, and Pamela was a bit disappointed in saying that, unluckily, she had seen no new progresses in Tadashi. She kept trying and trying, but there was no way to break into his shell, and he was already hurt enough, there was no point in forcing herself into it, she would have just ended up hurting the child... but there had to be a way to break in! She had to earn his trust somehow, and candies apparently earned her a smile but nothing more... she knew how to be patient but more than a month had passed by and still... she felt like nothing had changed.
She had seen tadashi, like every day, and after him some other child that needed a little help: Tadashi was her biggest case in the orphanage, the only one that she needed to see daily, but he wasn't the only little patient she had. Now it was almost 10pm, she had stayed late because a child needed to talk more than usual and after that she had needed to fix some papers... well, a lot of papers: it was the end of the month and she had some backlog work, so she had warned her husband not to wait for her that evening. She was finally ready to leave and go home, she was crossing the main corridor and had almost reached the main door when suddenly a scream from the upper floor captured her attention: she dropped her files and papers and ran toward the source of the noise. She had had the feeling she had recognised the voice... and unfortunately, she was right: when she arrived, Miss Isaacs, one of her assistants and a bunch of children were cornering Tadashi.
Tadashi's pijama was wet, and so was his bed: it didn't take a genius to figure out what happened. Miss Isaacs wasn't even yelling at him, she was just telling him he needed to go with her to change his pijama, her ways weren't the nicest but she wasn't being mean either, but Tadashi looked absolutely horrified, terrified. Not just that: he was obviously having a panic attack. And knowing what had happened last time he had wet his bed, Pamela could easily understand why... "Miss Isaacs, let him go. This will only make things worse!" she just couldn't help but intervene, starting to shoo the other kids away. As Miss Isaacs let Tadashi's arm, though, the child didn't wait a second moment and ran toward the bathroom, locking himself in.
Miss Isaacs was already starting to complain but Pamela shushed her on the spot "I'll handle this." she asked without even caring if she agreed or not "You just take care of putting the other kids to bed." Miss Isaacs left mumbling against Pamela, but she couldn't care less. Quickly she approached the bathroom door and knocked lightly on it. "Tadashi? It's me, Pamela. It's just me. Can I come in, please?" it came to no surprise that the only reply she received was the frantic wheeze of the child. "Tadashi, everything is ok, I promise. No one will hurt you, no one will even scold you, everything is fine." she kept reassuring him, but again, the door stayed closed. Pamela sighed. "I can wait, Tadashi. I'll stay here: when you are ready open the door. I promise I won't be mad, it's a promise." Pamela sat down in the corridor and waited. Luckily miss Isaacs's assistant provided to recover and bring back to her the files she had dropped, those things were important, but not important enough to cause her to leave her position now.
It passed 10 minutes. Pamela listened carefully the whole time for any noise from the bathroom, ready to just knock down the door if she heard suspicious noises, but the only thing she heard was Tadashi's panting. Only after this waiting that felt endless she heard the door unlocking and Tadashi's scared face peeping at her. "Everything is ok Tadashi. You see? It's just me, and I'm not mad." Tadashi didn't say anything, but she took the fact that he didn't close the door again as a positive sign. "Do you want to come out, Tadashi?" she asked, still using that soft tone. The child shook lightly his head. Well, she had suspected that: the bathroom now felt like a safe place, a den... "Can I come in?" she asked in the same tone. Tadashi nodded.
Slowly, to let Tadashi adjust to her movements, she approached the door and got in, closing the door behind them. She was smiling reassuringly to him: he still looked terrified but she could only help him through small steps. She bent down to be at his level and then, suddenly... the child cracked. "I-I'm s-s-sor-ry" he stuttered as tears started running down his cheeks. Pamela felt her heart sink, but she force herself to keep smiling in the same reassuring way "It's ok, Tadashi, you did nothing wrong, it was just an accident..." Soon enough though, the child was sobbing loudly: it was the first time she had seen him cry... the first time he had cried at all, to her knowledge, since he had entered in foster care! Slowly, unsure if he would allow that, she approached him with one hand and when he didn't move she caressed his head in a gentle way, still repeating like a tantrum that everything was ok.
And apparently the surprises for that evening weren't over! Just a moment after she had started caressing his head, he threw himself on her, hugging her tightly and hiding his face on her shoulder, still sobbing loudly and repeating between the sobs "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
Pamela could feel her heart break in that moment, but she had to be strong... she kept caressing the child, lulling him until he fell asleep in her arms. He was still wearing his wet pijama, so she had to change it herself, being extra careful not to wake him up. She brought him back to bed personally, verifying that the bed had been changed as well. Only then she left, and still, part of her desired to be able to stay...
-----
Another month passed by. After that night, even though Tadashi remained the usual quiet child but, he finally started to allow Pamela inside his shell. He started smiling more to her, he started saying more, what was more, he allowed Pamela to touch him. Not just that, it felt like he sought her touch! He still didn't allow anyone else to touch him, Miss Isaacs was almost getting offended by the refusal of the child to let him touch her, but the child didn't seem to care and, quite frankly, neither did Pamela.
Pamela had strong reasons to suspect that the child had never been touched for anything that didn't end up being painful for him... or at least, that he definitely hadn't been touched enough in a positive way, so he was finding out only now that from physical contact you could gain pleasure too and not just pain. Still, to allow someone so close to him Tadashi needed to give a lot of trust, and Pamela was glad he was finally starting to trust her. Especially since, while she was trying to build something with the child, many of the other kids in the orphanage kept bullying him and not rarely he arrived in her study with some bruise.
She had asked Miss Isaacs to pay more attention, but she could understand that with more than 40 kids it was hard to pay attention to them all, and even if Miss Isaacs and her assistants tried to protect Tadashi for the most part, they still couldn't be there 24/7. And with such a shy, weak little puppy like he was... well, kids would easily take advantage of him!
Pamela had always thought he looked somehow like a lost puppy, but now that parallelism was even more true, since it looked like he was identifying in her his new master! She swore, she could almost imagine him swinging his tail in happiness when she gave him a candy or caressed his head...
That day she had prepared something really special for the young boy: he was finally talking a bit more to her, smiling a bit more, but she wanted to reach him on a deeper level. So she had decided to bring with her a kitten! A puppy was out of the question, Tadashi's fear of dogs borderlined on phobia! Just a week ago the kids had been taken to a pet zoo and tadashi had screamed in terror when a dog had tried to approach him, he didn't calm down until he had been safely home once again...
As she heard the light knocking on her door, she smiled inviting the child in "Hello, Dashi" she greeted him with that nickname that had now become a habit between them "He-hello Pam..." he shyly greeted her back, using as well the shorter version of her name: when he had actually started speaking to her, she had noticed he was having difficulties pronouncing her whole name, with his tendency to stutter and all, so she had invited him to just use a shorter version. That's was also why she had started using a shorter version of his name, to make things even, to make him more comfortable... It felt just a little weird that the sound of 'pam' in the way he pronounced it was so similar to 'mom'...
"Come here, Dashi. I have a little surprise for you" she invited him with her hand, waving to him to come closer. Tadashi looked quite surprised and uncertain, but he still got slowly closer: the kitten was hidden behind her desk but, by the time Tadashi got closer to her, she had managed to take her in her hands. As she turned around and showed the little thing to the boy, tadashi's mouth dropped in surprise and awe. "You like her, Dashi?" she asked, amused and moved by his reaction: he just nodded slowly, too surprised to say anything. "Would you like to hold her?" she offered gently. Tadashi looked up at her, biting his lips before shyly nodding. Pamela smiled and handed the kitten to him: she had managed to find the quietest kitten ever, so when she was moved the little thing didn't even complain and just adjust better in tadashi's little arms: the child was simply in awe.
Tadashi kept holding the kitten for a while, petting her gently and enjoying her purring. When the kitten started get agitated, though, he had to let her go on the floor. "Would you like to play a bit with her?" Pamela suggested, handing to Tadashi some of the toys she had brought along. Tadashi nodded once again, smiling widely and taking a small soft ball that he tossed to the cat: in no time he and the kitten were playing on the floor, and Tadashi was actually laughing at the kitten's funny movements! As the kitten started jumping around the ball, Tadashi giggled amused and touched pamela's hand, pointing then at the kitten like inviting her to watch too. Pamela couldn't be more satisfied! She had never seen the child happier!
When their time was up, Tadashi was really reluctant: he really didn't want to leave and she managed to make him smile once again and leave the room only when she promised she would bring the kitten again the following day. She ended up bringing the kitten with her every day, and Tadashi ended up giving her the name Cookie. Pamela found herself with a cat she hadn't planned to adopt, but... in the end, just to see that smile on Tadashi's lips... it was all worth it.
-----
Robert Bennett finished to make himself comfortable in the small infirmary of the orphanage: that wasn't his study, but he could adapt for one day. Well... he surely couldn't day no when his wife had asked so kindly for him to replace her colleague... "The kids need their vaccinations today and Doctor Fredricksen just called from the hospital saying he's been in a car accident! He broke a leg and can't come here, his replacement his having his vacation in Europe right now... could you take care of it? Please?" Well... it was for the children after all...
Robert signalled the nurse and witnessed as she opened the door and let the first child in: he smiled gently to the young girl that looked at him with a scared glance. Oh well... he was used to much worse, working at the pediatric ER... "Well, hello, young lady, may I know you name?" he asked in a gentle tone, getting at the same level of the child: she looked suspiciously at him but after a moment she replied "Alice" "Alice, what a nice name. Well, enchanted to meet you, young Alice." he playfully bowed to her, even being already on his knees, thing that actually made her chuckle for a moment "Now don't be afraid of me and my white coat, I might be ugly but I'm not as bad as I look" he continued to talk to her in a playful fashion, making her chuckle once more "Now Alice, I need you to sit on this table and let me give you a shot. It will hurt just for a split second, I promise!" she obviously wasn't really convinced by that, but Robert had his secret weapon "I'll tell you what, my beautiful young Alice: you let me give you the shot aaand..." he stood up and went over to his box, fishing out a red lollipop shaped like a heart "I'll give you this". That, as he expected, immediately caught the little girl's interest "It... will really hurt for just a moment?" she asked reluctant "Just for a moment!" he repeated with a kind smile. The girl seemed torn for a moment, but after that she finally nodded "ok..."
It was a full afternoon: there was a good amount of kids in the orphanage, and Robert always went for the gentle approach. That took some more time, but in the end it was worth it: he managed to make children go away smiling instead of crying. Now he had given a shot to almost all the kids, there was only one left... and surprisingly enough, when he got in, it was his wife herself who escorted him in. He smiled sweetly to his wife, before turning his attention to the small boy "Hello little one. What's your name?" he asked, once again getting at the same level at the child: by now his back hurt as heck, but he could bear it. The child, though, looked terrified when he tried to approach him and immediately hid behind his wife
"It's ok Dashi, it's ok... This man here is my husband, Robert, he won't hurt you..." Pamela gently caressed the the child's head, trying to calm him down. "Why don't you tell him your name?" she asked once again, finally managing to obtain an answer from the child, even if a shy and low one "T-Tadashi..." he replied still clinging to Pamela's dress. Robert smiled to him, keeping his distance "Well, I'm happy to meet you, Tadashi. And my wife is right, I have no intention to hurt you." he kept smiling in a reassuring way, fully understanding that if his wife was here with the child that had to mean he was quite a peculiar case. Still, he had no intention to give up: he had vaccinated something like 40 kids that day and none of them had shed a tear, he could take the whole night but little Tadashi here wasn't going to be the exception today.
"So, young Tadashi, have you ever been to the doctor before?" he asked in an interested tone; after a moment Tadashi nodded to his question, thing that made Robert exchange a conspiratorial look with his wife "Ah, but then I bet you already know everything about doctors!" he continued in a playful tone "You know what? I'm really tired and I might be getting sick... maybe, since you know so much about doctors, you could check me up!" he suggested with a playful expression. Tadashi wasn't really convinced and looked up at Pamela for confirmation, but she smiled sweetly at him and nodded, gently pushing him forward "Go ahed, Dashi."
Robert took his stethoscope and put it around tadashi's neck: the child held his breath while the man got closer, but said nothing about it. "So, doctor, what do you want me to do?" He asked in the same playful way and then, seeing how lost Tadashi was, he continued "Do you want me to lie down on the table?" Tadashi nodded.
Robert kept hinting Tadashi what to do and, after just a short while, Tadashi actually seemed to start enjoying the game, much to Pamela's surprise and marvel. Robert respected the fact that Tadashi didn't want to be touched, and actually managed to play along with that: he could even be a difficult child, but he surely was a sweet one and after a little while, when even Pamela joined the little game, it hit him like that looked almost like a family moment...
When he gave him the shot, Tadashi looked terrified again, but he didn't cry and anyway he managed to win him over again giving him a lollipop: the child was so much in awe for the candy that he couldn't help but give him another one! After that, they let Tadashi join the other kids while he and his wife left together.
Neither of the commented about it on the spot, it was only that night, when they were both in bed and almost ready to turn off the light, that Robert commented
"I checked that child's file, Tadashi... it says he's up for adoption..."
Pamela was reading a book but as her husband spoke up she turned toward him in surprise
"...yes?"
she just couldn't understand what he wanted to say with that
"I just... saw the way you look at him..."
Robert frowned: he wasn't sure himself what he was suggesting... the child wasn't a rescued puppy from some doghouse, he was a child! You don't adopt a child in this way, and still... he just couldn't shake that feeling... his wife had told him so much about the kid in the past, his problems, how much he needed a safe and healthy environment... and really, couldn't they give that to him? Were there more qualified people than he and his wife for that? Beside, the child was in love with his wife! It just... That afternoon.. it had already felt like they belonged together...
Pamela, though, just couldn't believe at what her husband was suggesting: she had actually daydreamed about adopting the child herself but... she never had the boldness to suggest such thing... beside, she knew it would be considered unprofessional to adopt one of her own little patients...
"Robert what are you suggesting?"
"Pam, you love that kid..."
"I... I do..." she admitted with a bittersweet smile
"Then let's do it Pam. Let's adopt him..."
-----
Surprisingly enough, the practice to adopt Tadashi was incredibly quick: they had already been signed as good possible parents up for adoptions, and the fact that they wanted to adopt in the orphanage where Pamela worked and therefore knew everyone only helped speeding up the process. In less than a month they managed to fill every paper, satisfy every request, and finally take home Tadashi with them.
It didn't matter if the kid was shy and scared, he would get used to it, he would learn that this house, his new house, was a good place, they had no doubt of that and had all the intentions to show him just that. And they were sure that the presence of a little sister would have only helped him settling better: the practice for their little girl, in fact, was still open: it was just a matter of a couple of months now!
But...things not always go the way we want them to: just a month before they were able to get their new child, voices about Pamela's adoption of one of her patients reached the high spheres of the adoption agency: her gesture, even if humanly kind, was considered unprofessional and therefore the whole request of adoption conveyed of that. Pamela and Robert were denied the adoption of the little girl.
A process was open, and it lasted almost 2 years: at the end of it, Pamela was allowed the right to continue practise her job as child psychologist, as well as the right to keep the child she and Robert had already adopted, but they were denied the possibility to adopt other children.
To Pamela, that was a hard sentence: she deeply wanted a bigger family, especially since she couldn't have raised Tadashi in his first years. But, even if that was so, she and Robert never regret their decision, no matter how hard raising Tadashi was.
